Tuesday, 2nd June 2020
Given the lack of any hills around here I decided to drag myself out for one of my favourite local walks this afternoon for a spot of pretend Munro Bagging (this working from home malarkey is great – thanks Coronavirus).
It’s got a bit of all sorts in it, big views, fields, history, water, a hill, a quirky curiosity, saltend’s cooling towers..
Originally I was going to park near the shipyard as it’s a little way out of the village but the car park was rammed full. I dread to think how some of the cars at the back would get out if their occupants got back before the cars in front, but hey, not my problem! Instead, I reluctantly parked at the village hall, which also knocked half a mile off my walk but I more than made up for that on my wanderings in the end.
I got set off up the road, changing my mind about walking through the play-park after seeing a load of yoofs in there skylarking about, not in a bad way, I have to say. Obviously they were all related as there was zero social distancing going on!
Anyway, there’s no point in getting stressed about other people’s actions as it achieves nothing and I’ve had my hour of Coronavirus for the day so I won’t sully the trip report any further.
I topped out on my first Munro, which I’m going to call Long, Slow Drag Up A Road – a worthy summit of 15 metres. Shortly before I reached the top I spotted Quirky Curiosity:
A project for Richard?.
The views from the summit were stupendous:
…as you can imagine, I felt relieved to still be able to see Saltend’s Cooling Towers
The local Church was kindly saying it was okay to park on the verge, so long as you don’t bend:
I imagine that’s quite difficult, and probably the reason there were no cars parked there
I quite like the stark contrast of this dead tree against the blue sky:
I turned off Long Slow Drag Up A Road and headed for my next Munro – Fluffy Flanked Track. I think this one tops out at 13 metres.
Arty-farty pic:
Over the brow of Fluffy Flanked Track I took a left turn to take in Gravity-Defying Ridge. The CMD arête isn’t a patch on this:
But again, if you dare to look up from the narrow path, the views are amazing. This vastness is called Miles Of Nowt.
Over to the right, across Miles Of Nowt there are two lighthouses:
Both still work and I once told my friend’s son (when asked how they work) that a man goes to the top of them and runs round and round with a torch. I wonder if he still believes that…
After dropping down the side of Gravity-Defying Ridge briefly, all too soon, my next summit loomed. New Man Made Track. The steepness of this gradient is a calf-killer:
I have to confess, I was puffing a bit by the time I got to the top. With a lofty height of 5 metres I did wonder how folks manage that without oxygen.
I toyed with the idea of heading as far as Yapping Dog Valley but decided it was a walk too far at this time of day so retraced my steps along Gravity-Defying Ridge and turned off before Fluffy Flanked Track.
This route was lovely and peaceful and the scenery changed again:
Another arty-farty pic, I know. I’m sorry
As I was saying, the scenery changed again as I started my ascent of Light Your BBQ In The Bird Hide Hill, another lofty summit of 15 metres:
A lovely walk through scrubby saltmarsh with hundreds of different varieties of grasses, reeds and rushes
A new info board near the summit of Light Your BBQ (etc.) Hill:
I never saw any of these birds (well I did because I was looking at pictures of them but…). I want the old board back, I saw loads of the birds on that (yeah, I know, I know).
Eventually I reached The River and took a moment to admire the view at Pillbox Panorama. The view consists of the P&O Ferry, the Humber Bridge, a distant Yorkshire Wolds, a distant Lincolnshire Wolds and, yeh… Scunthorpe. Nuff said.
I turned onto Tourist Ridge towards the lighthouses:
Listed buildings I believe.
Continuing on, I reached Go No Further:
This never used to be here and seems to serve no purpose whatsoever. Looking at the ground tracks, it seems other people feel the same way so I followed suit and abseiled down the side of Tourist Ridge onto Miles Of Nowt to shimmy round Go No Further and head up the other side.
Go No Further should be here instead:
Although I wish there was some sort of bridge spanning this breach in the “sea” defences as it would make a smashing Horseshoe Walk around Paull Holme Strays.
Out of the corner of my eye I spotted:
Three Tentacled Swamp Thing.
This shy and elusive beast only surfaces at low tide to gobble up naughty children. Yes, guess who I said that to. I guess there must have been naughty children around today too.
I retraced my steps along Tourist Ridge and made my way towards Civilisation. I spotted People in the distance, urgghghgh. And quickly turned off towards Giant Bonsai Coppice:
Now here’s a thing. I’ve walked through Giant Bonsai Coppice many times and never spotted this:
Portal Into The Underworld. I suspect it links up with Not So Secret Underground Tunnel further round and, one day, I’ll bring my headtorch and explore. But not today.
I head around the back of Fort Paull Battery (a real place name this time, not one dredged from the depths of my vivid imagination) and into Rope Swing Forest:
I used my fantastic sense of direction to guide me through the maze of tracks and trails that criss-cross this wonderful dingly-dell and popped out near The Car Park which, having passed the entrance to it earlier when ascending Long Slow Drag Up A Road, is closed. Obviously I only imagined the cars I saw parked in there.
There were huge amounts of people sat picnicking so I never took any pics as I crossed The Car Park and The Playing Field.
Once I turned onto Little Lane I took this pic of Mallow(?):
There was loads of it in the verge and it looked lovely basking in the sunshine
From here it was a short meander past yet another lighthouse and back to my car.
Even though I’ve done this walk literally hundreds of times, it never ceases to lift my spirits or clear my head. It’s a smashing little walk.
And, The Wanderlust has returned
Thanks for reading
It’s got a bit of all sorts in it, big views, fields, history, water, a hill, a quirky curiosity, saltend’s cooling towers..
Originally I was going to park near the shipyard as it’s a little way out of the village but the car park was rammed full. I dread to think how some of the cars at the back would get out if their occupants got back before the cars in front, but hey, not my problem! Instead, I reluctantly parked at the village hall, which also knocked half a mile off my walk but I more than made up for that on my wanderings in the end.
I got set off up the road, changing my mind about walking through the play-park after seeing a load of yoofs in there skylarking about, not in a bad way, I have to say. Obviously they were all related as there was zero social distancing going on!
Anyway, there’s no point in getting stressed about other people’s actions as it achieves nothing and I’ve had my hour of Coronavirus for the day so I won’t sully the trip report any further.
I topped out on my first Munro, which I’m going to call Long, Slow Drag Up A Road – a worthy summit of 15 metres. Shortly before I reached the top I spotted Quirky Curiosity:
A project for Richard?.
The views from the summit were stupendous:
…as you can imagine, I felt relieved to still be able to see Saltend’s Cooling Towers
The local Church was kindly saying it was okay to park on the verge, so long as you don’t bend:
I imagine that’s quite difficult, and probably the reason there were no cars parked there
I quite like the stark contrast of this dead tree against the blue sky:
I turned off Long Slow Drag Up A Road and headed for my next Munro – Fluffy Flanked Track. I think this one tops out at 13 metres.
Arty-farty pic:
Over the brow of Fluffy Flanked Track I took a left turn to take in Gravity-Defying Ridge. The CMD arête isn’t a patch on this:
But again, if you dare to look up from the narrow path, the views are amazing. This vastness is called Miles Of Nowt.
Over to the right, across Miles Of Nowt there are two lighthouses:
Both still work and I once told my friend’s son (when asked how they work) that a man goes to the top of them and runs round and round with a torch. I wonder if he still believes that…
After dropping down the side of Gravity-Defying Ridge briefly, all too soon, my next summit loomed. New Man Made Track. The steepness of this gradient is a calf-killer:
I have to confess, I was puffing a bit by the time I got to the top. With a lofty height of 5 metres I did wonder how folks manage that without oxygen.
I toyed with the idea of heading as far as Yapping Dog Valley but decided it was a walk too far at this time of day so retraced my steps along Gravity-Defying Ridge and turned off before Fluffy Flanked Track.
This route was lovely and peaceful and the scenery changed again:
Another arty-farty pic, I know. I’m sorry
As I was saying, the scenery changed again as I started my ascent of Light Your BBQ In The Bird Hide Hill, another lofty summit of 15 metres:
A lovely walk through scrubby saltmarsh with hundreds of different varieties of grasses, reeds and rushes
A new info board near the summit of Light Your BBQ (etc.) Hill:
I never saw any of these birds (well I did because I was looking at pictures of them but…). I want the old board back, I saw loads of the birds on that (yeah, I know, I know).
Eventually I reached The River and took a moment to admire the view at Pillbox Panorama. The view consists of the P&O Ferry, the Humber Bridge, a distant Yorkshire Wolds, a distant Lincolnshire Wolds and, yeh… Scunthorpe. Nuff said.
I turned onto Tourist Ridge towards the lighthouses:
Listed buildings I believe.
Continuing on, I reached Go No Further:
This never used to be here and seems to serve no purpose whatsoever. Looking at the ground tracks, it seems other people feel the same way so I followed suit and abseiled down the side of Tourist Ridge onto Miles Of Nowt to shimmy round Go No Further and head up the other side.
Go No Further should be here instead:
Although I wish there was some sort of bridge spanning this breach in the “sea” defences as it would make a smashing Horseshoe Walk around Paull Holme Strays.
Out of the corner of my eye I spotted:
Three Tentacled Swamp Thing.
This shy and elusive beast only surfaces at low tide to gobble up naughty children. Yes, guess who I said that to. I guess there must have been naughty children around today too.
I retraced my steps along Tourist Ridge and made my way towards Civilisation. I spotted People in the distance, urgghghgh. And quickly turned off towards Giant Bonsai Coppice:
Now here’s a thing. I’ve walked through Giant Bonsai Coppice many times and never spotted this:
Portal Into The Underworld. I suspect it links up with Not So Secret Underground Tunnel further round and, one day, I’ll bring my headtorch and explore. But not today.
I head around the back of Fort Paull Battery (a real place name this time, not one dredged from the depths of my vivid imagination) and into Rope Swing Forest:
I used my fantastic sense of direction to guide me through the maze of tracks and trails that criss-cross this wonderful dingly-dell and popped out near The Car Park which, having passed the entrance to it earlier when ascending Long Slow Drag Up A Road, is closed. Obviously I only imagined the cars I saw parked in there.
There were huge amounts of people sat picnicking so I never took any pics as I crossed The Car Park and The Playing Field.
Once I turned onto Little Lane I took this pic of Mallow(?):
There was loads of it in the verge and it looked lovely basking in the sunshine
From here it was a short meander past yet another lighthouse and back to my car.
Even though I’ve done this walk literally hundreds of times, it never ceases to lift my spirits or clear my head. It’s a smashing little walk.
And, The Wanderlust has returned
Thanks for reading